I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
