How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.