She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful