Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
