I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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