If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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