its not stalking. its research.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
