..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
