Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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