Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just forgot I was standing up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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