I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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