3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
