well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize