Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
