I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
