there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
