Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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