I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
