Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
