I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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