dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
