just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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