totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?