so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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So much puke
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.