Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night