Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
