it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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