woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize