If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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