I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
