He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I looked at my own cervix.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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