As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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