Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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