My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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