I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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