Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
