when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
