And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i think i just lost a toe
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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