I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
