I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
