I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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