weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
