am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.