My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?