Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

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  (214): I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute http://tfl.nu/955u
  Replies (12) Good night (951) Bad night (1499)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

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  (925): I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand.. http://tfl.nu/3ekb
  Replies (18) Good night (5302) Bad night (635)
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...

  (450): View more from Quebec

  On that note, do I have a rule?

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  (450): I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc... (450): On that note, do I have a rule? http://tfl.nu/u1td
  Replies (15) Good night (4788) Bad night (1057)
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  (714): View more from California

  i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..

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  (714): i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats.. http://tfl.nu/8g2i
  Replies (19) Good night (1398) Bad night (4354)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head

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  (817): but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head http://tfl.nu/vzhl
  Replies (5) Good night (768) Bad night (2467)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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  (979): There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer. http://tfl.nu/lpls
  Replies (6) Good night (2532) Bad night (606)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.

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  (443): okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't. http://tfl.nu/3nap
  Replies (3) Good night (1633) Bad night (388)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.

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  (304): All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time. http://tfl.nu/z2dh
  Replies (0) Good night (749) Bad night (359)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?

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  (417): Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO? http://tfl.nu/uhod
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (637)
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  (707): View more from California

  As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.

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  (707): As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment. http://tfl.nu/opoe
  Replies (5) Good night (843) Bad night (410)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner

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  (418): You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner http://tfl.nu/wvf5
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (360)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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  (541): I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do. http://tfl.nu/nqe0
  Replies (1) Good night (848) Bad night (701)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.

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  (253): Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead. http://tfl.nu/ww0m
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (317)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.

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  (612): you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing. http://tfl.nu/yg2q
  Replies (3) Good night (857) Bad night (241)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue

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  (303): Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue http://tfl.nu/w6vq
  Replies (3) Good night (370) Bad night (622)

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