I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she told me i tasted like america
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
