Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.