After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
