Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
