So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
