apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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