...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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