there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?