I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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