I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(