it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.