Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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