This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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