wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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