You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my being single is dangerous.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.